Creator's note: I apologize for the one-day delay. Sort of what happens when you air a show on New Year's Eve. Indeed, even calm individuals like me aren't watching wrestling on New Year's Eve.*
For the current week on WWE SmackDown the headliner will see Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns face Sheamus and Kevin Owens. Is Teddy Long in the building today?
The show opens with the New Day. As they make their passage, we perceive how Big E f**ked up Sin Cara's shoulder. Xavier Woods says New Year is their most loved time of year. New Year's Day is an uncommon new day. E then begins discussing New Year's Eve. Their first determination of 2016 is "no one". They're obviously great. They're the champs, so they don't have to change; it's the WWE Universe that needs to change. Kofi Kingston says in 2015, they were enormity exemplified. Some way or another, they didn't win the Slammy for "Label Team of the Year". They understand in 2016, nothing will change unless the WWE Universe can figure out how to acknowledge significance. They will learn today. E says to maintain a strategic distance from another disaster like the Slammys, they've accumulated resolutions for the fans. 1: every individual from the Universe will be required to wear glasses and amplifiers, since they have to see and hear all the significance. 2: the whole Universe will be required to keep a New Day diary. With a specific end goal to not overlook any of the significance, the fans will need to record it all. 3: every morning, everybody ought to have a "spring in their goods" and a melody in their souls, and that tune ought to be… New. Day Rocks.
The Lucha Dragons turn out to interfere. Kalisto says the Universe comprehends what it's doing. The New Day are a charming group that merit one another. The Slammys are for the general population. Sin Cara says something in Spanish, then says the Dragons are testing every one of them three to a match now. Woods brings up Cara is harmed, then solicits what kind from match. Kalisto says they have a few companions. How about we kick the gathering off. That is the point at which the Dudley Boyz turn out.
MATCH 1: THE NEW DAY (WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS BIG E, KOFI KINGSTON AND XAVIER WOODS) VS. KALISTO AND THE DUDLEY BOYZ (BUBBA RAY and D-VON, W/SIN CARA)
D-Von and Woods begin with a lock-up. D-Von applies a side headlock, then an arm wringer, back to a headlock, into a hip toss before covering Woods for 2. D-Von obstructs a punch, hits a few his own, then falls off the ropes with a turning back elbow. He catches up with a clothesline, a bodyslam and a legdrop for 2. Bubba labels in, and the Boyz hit a twofold hotcake. Bubba rascals Woods' arm a couple times before Woods gets in a couple of shots. E labels in and nails Bubba with a clothesline. Bubba pivots into a stomach to-paunch for 2 preceding Kofi labels in. Kofi kicks Bubba in the face, then assaults him with rights in the corner. Bubba hinders a charge, snaps off a few pokes and hits the Flip, Flop and Fly. E comes in and gets clotheslined. Woods eats a major boot. Kofi gets hit with a bodyslam before D-Von labels in. D-Von labels Kalisto, and they set Kofi up for the Wassup?! from Kalisto. Bubba pushes his accomplices and requires a table. Kalisto snatches Kofi on the overskirt, where E yanks him face-first onto the cook's garment, by method for jolting his arm. Kofi moves Kalisto back in for 2, then sets up what is currently evidently called the Unicorn Stampede before closure with E sending Kofi in for a storm cellar dropkick in the corner. Kofi hits a major kick for 2, then applies a half-nelson/chinlock combo. Kofi goes for a bodyslam, however Kalisto escapes and hits alternate individuals from the New Day before moving Kofi up. Kofi, in any case, labels out to E, who comes in and thumps Kalisto down with a clothesline. Ads.
Once again from the break, Woods hits a low turn around STO (think Eva Marie's finisher, just done effectively) for 2. Woods hits a snapmare and labels in Kofi. Woods hits a cellar clothesline before Kofi hits a hopping step. E labels in and hits a Warrior Splash to the back for 2. E interfaces with a kneelift and tosses Kalisto outside. Kalisto lands on his feet, nails a kick, then suckers E in for an assault, evading him and sending him to the floor. Bubba and Woods tag in, with Bubba getting in two or three clotheslines and a back-body drop. D-Von makes a visually impaired tag and they hit the 3-D #2. D-Von assaults an approaching Kofi and E before Woods tries for a move up. D-Von squares it and hits him with a standing spinebuster (which Booker T, a previous specialist of the spinebuster, moronically calls a walkway pummel). Bubba labels in and mounts the center rope before Kalisto labels in. Kalisto hops on Bubba's shoulders and hits a sit-down sprinkle before transforming a turning headscissors into a DDT. E charges in, gets sent into the corner, then pivots into the 3-D. Kofi labels in, misses a springboard clothesline, and gets got with the Salida del Sol for 3.
Victors: THE DUDLEY BOYZ AND KALISTO.
Bubba slides his "Glad New Year" table into the ring for D-Von and Kalisto to set up. The Boyz then superbomb Woods through it.
John Cena will come back to Smackdown one week from now.
MATCH 2: GOLDUST VS. TYLER BREEZE (W/SUMMER RAE)
Goldust backs Breeze to the corner, who then switches and misses a punch. Goldust nails an uppercut, hits a shoulder, ventures over Breeze, minds him out, hits a couple armdrags, then hacks him in the corner. Breeze stays away from a corner bulldog with a bouncing kick to the face, then yanks Goldust's arm over the center rope. He returns into the ring to take a shot at the arm more before Goldust shoots two or three punches. He gets Breeze with a spinebuster off the ropes, ducks a clothesline and goes for the drop-down uppercut. Breeze sees it coming, nails a punch, then keeps running into a snap powerslam. Goldust mounts the clasps for a few punches, then catches up with a modified nuclear drop and a clothesline. Breeze heads to the floor, where he snatches Goldust by the arm and whips it into the ring post. Back int he ring, Goldust hits another uppercut before being maneuvered face-first into the center clasp. Breeze then stacks Goldust up and gets 3 with his feet on the ropes.
Champ: TYLER BREEZE.
Rae begins talking, and I bite the dust somewhat inside. She and Breeze clearly have a declaration. She calls attention to some important things from 2015, then says what they will let us know is way greater. It's a stunner. Breeze gets the mic and says to praise the new year, Rae and himself have chosen to go their different ways. They're going to abandon us with one final "exquisite selfie".
So… who are they going to haphazardly combine Rae with to legitimize her vocation now?
Bo Dallas is in the back, and he runs over Curtis Axel. He says Axel has had a frightful year, however can turn it around with the privilege new year's re-BO-lution. Axel says he was never dispensed with from the 2015 Royal Rumble, and when the same happens in 2016, he'll have been in the Rumble for a long time straight (Um… that is one and only year, buddy), then he'll go onto Wrestlemania to win the World title. Dallas instructs him to wear antiperspirant, and he'll take off high on the off chance that he just "BOlieves". He then signs some lady's hand before Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler says Dallas' transformation ought to be to quit dressing like Baby New Year. Dallas says it sounds like Ziggler is kidding, yet it's difficult to tell, since he never says anything entertaining. Ziggler says Dallas ought to be getting prepared for his match against Ziggler. All he needs to do… Ziggler leaves, then returns like he's going to hit a superkick before ceasing himself and saying, "… Is BOlieve" in a tone that sounds so much like Dallas' imbecilic breaking voice, it's creepy.
MATCH 3: THE USOS (JEY AND JIMMY) VS. LUKE HARPER AND BRAUN STROWMAN (W/ERICK ROWAN)
Harper and a Uso begin, with Harper backing the Uso into the corner. He then hits an uppercut, misses a couple of elbows and gets hit with a cross-body. Uso hits an uppercut, gets sent into the ropes, makes a visually impaired label, ducks a clothesline, then hits a superkick after the other Uso hits an uppercut. The lawful Uso goes for a get off the ropes, however Strowman is remaining in his way on the smock. Uso nails him, then pivots into a scrapbuster for 2. Strowman labels in and hammers Uso into the corner twice. Strowman kicks Uso in the gut, then hits a bodyslam. Strowman hits a second one, then knee-gags Uso against the ropes before labeling in Harper, who slings Uso under the center rope for 2. Harper applies a rendition of an Indian deathlock before Uso breaks free with headbutts. Harper drags him to the corner for a tag, and Strowman comes in with a step. He stifles Uso with his lean ass leg (genuinely, his legs are lamentable for as large as he seems to be), then keeps running into an uppercut in the corner. Strowman no-offers before bieling Uso over the ring. He then applies a trapezius paw before (obviously) Jimmy snatches him by the facial hair and counters the hold with a jawbreaker. Jimmy then pivots into a major clothesline before Harper labels in for 2. Harper applies a back chinlock, yet Jimmy battles out and hits a turns around Dragon Whip. Strowman labels back in and tosses Jimmy to the corner. Jimmy evades a charge, making Strowman run shoulder-first into the post. Harper and Jey tag in, with Jey hitting a couple of clotheslines, a superkick to the gut and an uppercut. He ducks a clothesline and hits a Samoan drop. The corner hip assault associates for 2. Harper hits a hack to the throat and labels in Strowman. Harper gets low-connected to the floor before Jey hits a suicide plunge on him, while labeling out to Jimmy. Back in the ring, Jimmy trips to the top and jumps over Strowman. He hits two superkicks, then offers one to an approaching Rowan. Strowman recuperates, pieces another superkick, secures his "strangle hold" and gets the accommodation win.
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